Who knew? Goat massage?! Was it Supersecret?
While living in Florida I actually engaged in a FART (Fabric Acquisition Road Trip) bus trip. Hey, this is a female quilting acronym, not something I made up, and I’m usually good at that as you will see.
Fingers crossed, I would learn some news things in order to help me sell fabrics and notions on our website. My discovery is that women are truly odd. Realize that I am the only man on the bus. You’d think they’d behave like ladies. Boy was I in for a reality check.
One lady spoke of her husband search criteria, I think she said she was on number 5! If that were true, she needs to rethink her criteria. One of the criteria was that he must live to be at least age 85, so she’d marry them at 83. Seems like an arbitrary number, or a really deviant method of outlasting small retirement funds.
The most surprising comment was that we might want to try a goat massage. Now, that made me crack up laughing. This lady insists it is a real thing. Curious nature that is me, I Googled “Goat Massage” and sure enough there is a YouTube link and a section where questions were asked by concerned searchers, such as:
- Is goat massage a real thing?
- What are the benefits of a goat massage?
- Is goat Yoga safe?
- Do Goats poop on you during Goat Yoga?
- Can I take a Goat with me on a FART? (Okay, okay, I made that one up)
- Will a Goat eat my stash while massaging me? (This is a paramount and serious question)
- Should I tip the Goat? (No, tip the owner of the goat, nothing eats profits faster than a goat, except a quilting wife.)
Now I checked all the search hits and it was even covered by CNN. It is real!!!
Prices are around $35 per hour. Since I own an acre, I can probably keep 20 goats. 20 goats at 8 hours computes to 160 hours, or $5,600 per day! I’m in the wrong business!
Goats can mow (devour) the lawn, saving me $400 per month! And their poop can sell as fertilizer for around $300 per month! Then all I must do is arrange for a busload of quilters to appear and let them fall in love with these adorable animals! Thus, I can sell them to take home, that’s $400 per goat.
Who needs a husband, right? Add in fabric, notions, wine, and chocolate, and I have a gold mine in the waiting!
How does this post have anything to do with Quilting??? Absolutely nothing…, but that’s what I got on that bus trip. Nada, diddly squat, zilch! I’ve also been around goats, they will eat just about anything, including the hair on your body and most definitely your fabric stash. What I did learn is that quilters are wonky, get them in a bus and all chaos will ensue.
Will I do another bus trip? Heck yeah! Look at all the free material for a humor writer. Quilters are so funny.
